bagpipes

Despite having a love for Scotland and for Scottish music, I felt these had to be shared with you:

Q. Why do pipers always walk when they play?

A. Moving targets are harder to hit.

Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect unison?

A. Shoot one.

Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?

A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

Q. How can you tell a piper with perfect pitch?

A. He can throw a set of bagpipes into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Q. What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?

A. You can tune the lawn mower; and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawn mower and don't return it.

Q. What's the difference between a dead piper in the road and a dead country singer in the road? A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.

Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?

A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.

Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?

A. Someone is blowing into it.

Q. What's one thing you never hear people say?

A. "Oh, that's the pipe player's Porsche."

Q. What's the definition of "optimism''?

A. A piper with a pager.

Bagpipes get a lot of abuse. They are so different from most other musical instruments (when is the last time you saw a bagpipe included in a symphony orchestra?). Most people complain about the noise they make, but I have to say that I like bagpipes. I don't know whether it's because I really like their music or (more likely) because they make me think of Scotland, which is one of my favorite places in all the world.

In a way, Christians are like bagpipes. We are "different" from the world around us. We are often looked down upon because we don't "fit in" with everybody else. And any attractiveness that we may have is not due to anything that we may do, but because of our relationship to Jesus Christ and his kingdom.

"But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy. Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul." (I Peter 2:9-11)

Through the "music" of our lives today, may people be reminded of the kingdom we represent.

-alan smith