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Here are three suggestions for parents of teens, all learned through my own mistakes:

First, with emerging demands for independence, worries about peer acceptance, pressures of school and extracurricular activities, and a continuous search for self-identity, adolescents are on a physical and emotional roller coaster. Like every generation before them (including yours), teens are often arrogant and over-confident about their knowledge and your ignorance, and are deeply insecure about most other things.

They're going to make mistakes, behave badly, and be thoroughly self-absorbed. Although they want you to be less involved in their lives, they actually need you more. And despite continual battles, if you're open, you'll experience glorious moments that all of you will cherish your whole lives.

Second, be firm but choose your battles carefully. Don't back down when dealing with important principles, but don't make every issue a hill you're willing to die on either. Be content to lose occasionally and give in graciously.

Third, don't belittle or underestimate the importance of their feelings. It may seem like they're over-reacting, but teens feel emotions like embarrassment, loneliness, insecurity, frustration, and love intensely. It's disrespectful to minimize or discount these feelings with useless advice like "You'll get over it" or "Everyone feels that way." Nor is it helpful to dismiss or invalidate an emotion by saying "You shouldn't feel that way."

Teens can be hard to love, but be patient. Soon they'll be the parents of your grandchildren.

-character counts