....wrong

Here is a list of "Murphy's Laws for Churches" (author unknown):

Video projectors always work before the class meeting begins.

The probability of the preacher tripping over the mike cord is greater on "Bring A Friend" Sunday than any other week.

The largest Bible Class will show up when the teacher feels his/her worst.

No matter how many bulletins you print, you'll always need one more.

A member living 15 miles away will be 15 minutes early; members living two blocks will be 15 minutes late.

The shorter the agenda, the longer the business meeting.

Saying "Let us pray" or singing "Just As I Am" causes babies to cry.

When you answer the Bible teacher's question right, nobody remembers; when you are wrong, nobody forgets.

The furnace only fails when the outside temperature is more than 20 degrees below zero. The air conditioner only fails when the outside temperature is 90 degrees or above.

When the preacher misspeaks in a sermon, at least half of those taking notes will write the remark down as an important thought from the sermon.

Murphy's Law ("Whatever can go wrong will go wrong") manifests itself in a multitude of ways in our lives. In fact, there are times when it seems that EVERYTHING is going wrong. How we react to those situations says a lot about our character.

Do we react by saying, "Everything will turn out all right eventually"? We may be living in a dream world.

Do we react by saying, "How could God do this to me"? Our bitterness may cause us to turn away from God.

Or do we react by turning to God, praying for strength, trusting Him to see us through?

In Acts 4, the apostles were threatened by government officials and forbidden to preach in the name of Jesus. They prayed, "Now, look on their threats, and grant to Your servants that with all boldness they may speak Your word...." (Acts 4:29)

Father, there may be those reading this message whose world has come crashing down around them. May you bless them with strength; make them mindful of just how much they need your help. May you use the times when things go wrong as opportunities to manifest your glory in a special way. In Jesus name, amen.

mud

Albert walks in to his doctor's office for his yearly physical exam as he has done the same time every year that he can remember. The doctor takes him through all of the motions, does the normal tests and then leaves to get the results. After about 30 minutes, the doctor returns with a very sad look on his face.

"Well Doc, what kind of shape am I in this time?" Albert asks.

"Albert, I don't know what to say. The news is bad. Really bad."

"What is it Doc?"

"I hate to have to give you such bad news. I can't find the words to tell you. I really don't know what to say."

Albert, being a strong man who appreciates straight talk, tells the doctor, "Ok, don't beat around the bush. Tell me what you know. I can take it".

"Well", says the doctor, "Let me put it this way. I think that you should go to Arkansas and visit the hot springs there for a nice relaxing mud bath. Spend some time soaking in the mud."

"Oh, so I need to relax a little bit, eh? Will that cure me, Doc?"

"No, Albert, it won't cure you. And it won't help you relax. But it will help you get used to being covered in dirt."

From time to time, we all need to be reminded of our mortality. "As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more." (Psa. 103:15)

It is only when we are convinced of the limited time we have on this earth that we feel motivated to plan for where we will spend eternity. That's why Solomon said,

"Better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for that is the end of all men; And the living will take it to heart." (Eccl.7:2)

The house of feasting is certainly more fun. But while we are in the house of mourning, we are reminded that death will come to us all. As someone has put it, we are all "terminal." May we "take it to heart" and live accordingly.

Oh, and if you happen to be in Arkansas anytime soon, I highly recommend the mud bath.

existence

The story is told of a Russian named Ivanovich who visited the Moscow zoo for the first time. To his amazement, he found a little lamb sharing the cage with a big fierce bear.

Ivanovich expressed surprise to his guide. The guide smiled and said, "That is peaceful coexistence."

When Ivanovich shook his head in a doubtful way, the guide explained, "Of course, we have to put in a fresh lamb every morning."

As much as we should strive for peace, there are some things which simply cannot coexist peacefully -- truth and error, righteousness and ungodliness, morality and immorality.

If we try to combine two such things in our lives, they will only coexist "peacefully" only if one gobbles up the other. That's why James was so forceful in his warning:

"You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God." (James 4:4, NASB)

? single

Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself.

Shirley says," Sophie, you know I'm shy. Why don't you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely."

Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely."

"Of course I'm lonely, he says, "I've spent the past 20 years in prison."

"You're kidding! What for?"

"For killing my third wife. I strangled her."

"What happened to your second wife?"

"I shot her."

"And, if I may ask, your first wife?"

"We had a fight and she fell off a building."

"Oh my," says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, "Yoo hoo, Shirley. He's single."

It worries me when I see single people overly anxious to find a mate. Perhaps, though, we have contributed to the situation by treating singleness like it's some sort of disease. Singles often comment that they feel out of place at church (activities tend to be family-oriented) and feel they are sometimes regarded as less important than married people. While marriage is a God-ordained institution, I think we do a disservice by suggesting that singles are somehow "incomplete" until they find that "certain someone."

The truth is, while Paul held marriage in high regard (Eph. 5), he preferred being single and recommended it to Christians at Corinth in the difficult situation they were facing (I Cor. 7). Single Christians have the opportunity to serve God in ways that married Christians would have difficulty doing. Of course, the converse is also true.

So what is the lesson to be learned? In whatever situation you are in, seek to serve God with all your heart. If you are single, use your singleness to serve God as best as you can. And if you're married, use your married status to do the same.

"But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk.....keeping the commandments of God is what matters." (I Cor. 7:17,19b)

? own

George Washington Truett was a preacher in Dallas for 47 years. He once visited a wealthy West Texas rancher and had dinner in his huge ranch home. After dinner, the rancher took Dr. Truett up to a veranda on top of his house, and lit up a big cigar. The sun was setting, and if you've ever been to West Texas, you know you can see a long way out there. The man pointed to the south toward some oil rigs and said, "I own everything in that direction as far as you can see." He pointed east toward some cotton fields and said, "And I own everything in that direction, too." He pointed north toward a huge herd of cattle and bragged, "And, preacher, I own everything as far as you can see in that direction." He turned to the west, and said, "And I own everything you can see in that direction, except the sun, of course." 

Dr. Truett turned to the man and pointed straight up the sky and said, "And how much do you own in that direction?" 

It's a sobering question for all of us. We are surrounded constantly by the "things" of this world, and it is so easy to think that these "things" are the things that matter most -- a nice car, a nice home, nice clothes (and don't forget all the necessary electronic gadgets!). And so, if we're not careful, we may seek to accumulate more and more, without regard to our relationship with God. As the rich fool discovered in Luke 12, we will all one day be forced to recognize that the material things we have accumulated have no eternal value.

Jesus said, "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:19-21).

How much do you own in that direction?

next

In my next life, I want to be a bear...

If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. 

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. 

If you're a bear, you birth your children while you're sleeping (who are the size of walnuts) and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could deal with that in a big way. 

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that. 

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. 

Yup...gonna be a bear!

I admit it sounds tempting -- especially the part about being able to eat and sleep (and growl!). But for those of us who are Christians,

there's something even BETTER than lies ahead. What could possibly be

better than that? 

How about a life where there's no more pain and no more heartache? A family reunion where you're surrounded by people who all have a heart

for God. A place where you don't have to live in fear and suspicion.

A place where all your needs are met. An eternity in the arms of your heavenly Father.  

"And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, 'Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.' Then He who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." (Rev. 21:3-5a)

In my next life, I don't want to be a bear......I want to be with God!

catch

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro east on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.

The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey Sarge, why did you stop?"

The Sergeant replied, "Stupid rookie, he's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."

I know the feeling. Not of being in a car chase, but of feeling that there's no way I can ever catch up. I experience it weekly, if not daily. There never seem to be enough hours in a day. I always feel one step behind where I ought to be. Do you know the feeling as well? Allow me to remind you of a Bible verse:

"Be still, and know that I am God." (Psa. 46:10)

But I can't take time to be still! I have places to go, things to do, phone calls to make, deadlines to meet!

"Be still, and know that I am God."

But if I do that, I'll never get caught up!

"Be still, and know that I am God."

Father, forgive me of the times that I am in such a hurry that I have no time for you. Please quiet my spirit and remind me of who you are and how much I need you. In Jesus' name, amen.

sing

Joe's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. 

Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch. His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the matter, Joe? Don't you like my singing?" 

Joe replied, "Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."

Let's be honest -- not everyone has the voice of an angel (you'll certainly know that if you've been watching WB's recent show, "Superstar USA"). And I wish I had a nickel for every time that someone has told me that they don't like to sing out at church because they can't sing well.  

There's only one measure that God uses to determine who sings well, though, and it's not pitch, tone, or rhythm. It's what's in the heart. The truth is, many of those with perfect pitch are not singing "well" and many of those who "can't carry a tune in a bucket" have an audience in heaven hanging on their every note.

"...Be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." (Eph. 5:18-20)

Offer God the very best that you have to offer, but remember that it is what is in the heart that matters the most.

.....even

The following is reported to be a true story (from Australian Aviation magazine):

After a particularly lousy landing by the co-pilot of an Australian commercial airline, that co-pilot heard the Captain say into his microphone, "Ladies and gentlemen, XXX airlines wishes to apologize for that rough landing provided today by our first officer".

Some months later the same crew were together and, you guessed it, the Captain had an even worse landing. The First Officer immediately jumped on the intercom announcing, "Ladies and gentlemen, XXX airlines wishes to apologize for that rough landing provided today by our Captain".

The Captain immediately responded angrily, "What did you say that for?"

The First Officer replied, "Remember a couple of months back? I owed it to you!"

"But I never keyed the mike!" responded the Captain.

How many times have we tried to "get even" with someone only to suffer embarrassment or hurt as a result? We think that paying someone back will make us feel better, but it doesn't, even when we truly have been done wrong.

Solomon gave this wise piece of advice: "Do not say, 'I'll do to him as he has done to me; I'll pay that man back for what he did.'" (Proverbs 24:29, NIV)

Suffering wrong without retaliation is one of the toughest things Jesus asks us to do, but it's the right thing.

"But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you." (Matthew 5:44)

up

I had a day off last week and spent part of it doing some yardwork. After I finished, I went through the garage to get back into the house. But, as I was climbing the stairs, I heard a loud fluttering of wings above me. My first thought was that a large moth or small bat had gotten itself trapped, but then I realized it was a tiny bird — a hummingbird! Its wings were flapping with great intensity as the bird slammed itself repeatedly into the ceiling. It was clearly intent on flying upward, but there was no way out in that direction No doubt the poor bird had to be exhausted, and it was evident that it wasn’t going to find its way out by itself.

Using my hand, I carefully guided the hummingbird out into the middle of the garage, thinking it would have no trouble finding an exit with the garage door wide open. The bird quickly found a resting spot, but when it tried to leave, it once again headed upward, banging itself into the ceiling over and over. Could it not see the wide open door with freedom just a few feet away? Why was it intent on searching for an escape route straight up? Finally, with a little assistance from Joshua, the bird made its way outside.

I couldn’t help but think how much like that hummingbird we all are. The difference is that our search is for happiness and the “meaning of life.” We search in all the wrong places over and over again, looking to material goods or immorality or addictive substances, all without success. And instead of seeing the wide open door that God has provided, we continue to painfully beat our heads in frustration. We try again and again without finding the happiness we crave, so we try even harder. We work longer hours to collect more “stuff”, we sample something a little bit stronger. Why are we so blind that we cannot see what God has made available? He wants us to find the freedom of living for Him. Time and again, He gently nudges us in the right direction. But we’re so blind (or stubborn?).

“In the Lord I take refuge…Flee like a bird to your mountain.” (Psalm 11:1)

Lord, please open our eyes. Help us to see the frustration of our attempts to seek happiness apart from you. Help us to see the need to yield ourselves to your nudges as you seek to move us in the right direction. Thank you for the blessings that you have made so richly available and that you desire for us to enjoy. In Jesus’ name

prayer

he following prayer was penned by Ray Comfort:

Father, I have a problem,

It's weighing heavy on me.

It's all I can think about,

night and day.

Before I bring it to you in prayer.

I suppose I should pray for those

who are less fortunate than me--

Those in this world who have

hardly enough food for this day,

and for those who don't have

a roof over their heads at night.

I also pray for families

who have lost loved ones

in sudden death,

for parents whose children

have leukemia,

for the many people who are

dying of brain tumors,

for the hundreds of thousands

who are laid waste with

other terrible cancers,

for people whose bodies

have been suddenly

shattered in car wrecks,

for those who are lying

in the hospital with agonizing

burns over their bodies,

whose faces have been

burned beyond recognition.

I pray for people with emphysema,

whose eyes fill with terror

as they struggle for every

breath merely to live,

for those who are tormented

beyond words by irrational fears,

for the elderly who are wracked

with the pains of aging,

whose only "escape" is death.

I pray for people who are watching

their loved ones fade before their eyes

through the grief of Alzheimer's disease,

for the many thousands

who are suffering

the agony of AIDS,

for those who are in such despair

they are about to commit suicide,

for people who are tormented

by the demons of

alcoholism and drug addiction.

I pray for children

who have been abandoned

by their parents,

for those who are sexually abused,

for wives held in quiet despair,

beaten and abused by

cruel and drunken husbands,

for people whose minds

have been destroyed

by mental disorders,

for those who have lost everything

in floods, tornadoes,

hurricanes, and earthquakes.

I pray for the blind,

who never see the faces

of the ones they love,

or the beauty of a sunrise,

for those whose bodies are

horribly deformed by painful arthritis,

for the many whose lives

will be taken from them today

by murderers,

for those wasting away

on their death beds.

Most of all,

I cry out for the millions

who don't know the forgiveness

that is in Jesus Christ...

for those who in a moment of time

will be swept into Hell

by the cold hand of death,

and find to their utter

horror the unspeakable

vengeance of eternal fire.

They will be eternally damned

to everlasting punishment.

Oh God, I pray for them.

Strange ...

I can't seem to remember

what my problem was ...

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

"Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men." (I Timothy 2:1)

Intercession means to go to God in prayer on behalf of someone else. What a blessing to know that not only do Jesus Christ (Heb. 7:25) and the Holy Spirit (Rom. 8:26-27) intercede on our behalf, but we also have the privilege of being able to intercede for one another.

Why not take a moment to pray for others you know who are in need this day.

growing

Many of you have seen a list of "bulletin bloopers." These, however, are fairly new (at least, to me). I believe these can be found in a book called "Anguished English" by Richard Lederer:

Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication.

Hymn: "It is Well with my Solo"

Congratulations to Tim and Rhonda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17.

Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.

For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit.

We pray that our people will jumble themselves.

Janet Smith has volunteered to strip, and refinish the communion table in the sanctuary.

Were you there when they laid Him in the bomb?

Mark your calendars not to attend the church retreat.

My joke is easy and my burden is light.

I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me drink.

We are an autonomous body, operating under the hardship of Jesus Christ.

Hymn: I am Thin, O Lord.

I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even though he diets, yet shall be live.

Our regular service will be gin at 11:00 a.m.

When parking on the north side of the church, please remember to park on an angel.

Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

I realize that a weight-management class is not where you want to be seen "growing like crazy," but that phrase should certainly describe our Christian lives. Growth is not only healthy, it is absolutely essential. Parents would worry about a child that looks the same at the age of 5 as he did at the age of 2. We expect growth.

The same is true in our spiritual lives. If we are just the same as we were five or ten years ago, then something's wrong -- we're not growing. May our goal be to grow closer and closer to the likeness of Jesus day by day (2 Cor. 3:18).

"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen." (2 Peter 3:18)

dead

Kay Martin, a secretary to a New Zealand MP, got the fright of her life last year. According to the Auckland Sunday Star, she and a friend

were chatting when they heard a chicken squawking. The bird sounded in

some distress, so they went outside to investigate, thinking perhaps that it had escaped from one of the neighbors. But there were no chickens anywhere.

Then Martin realized with horror that the sound was coming from her own kitchen -- coming, in fact, from the oven, where she had put a chicken in to roast half an hour earlier. "It was as if it was shrieking at me from its grave," she said. "It was so bizarre I just froze."

As they approached the oven, the squawking reached a crescendo. They took the tray out, and as the chicken began to cool, the squawking died away.

Martin chopped the neck off and threw it in the sink. She noticed that the vocal chords were intact. "Steam was coming up the neck from the stuffing," says Martin, and this had caused the dead bird to squawk. She has not cooked chicken since.

Those are us who are Christians have put to death the "old man of sin" (Rom. 6:11). Unfortunately, though, sometimes the "old man" rears its ugly head and makes a commotion in our lives (Rom. 7:19-20), and it becomes necessary to take drastic action to shut it up!

"But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered. And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness." (Rom. 6:17-18)

Father, bless us with a determination to live lives of holiness before you. Though the sins of our past continue to seek to tempt us to be drawn away from you, we pray for strength as we strive to be slaves of righteousness. In Jesus' name, amen.

calming

In a west Texas town a few years ago, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition -- lights, power, etc.

After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.

Witnesses later described the vision of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away.

Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician that was suspected of causing the explosion had never been thought of as "bright" by his peers.

Years ago, Jim Croce, in his song, "You Don't Mess Around With Jim", used to sing about things that you don't dare do (pull the mask off the Lone Ranger or tug on Superman's cape, for example). He might have done well to add, "You don't flick your Bic inside a building with a gas leak"! In an explosive situation, the last thing you want to do is provide the spark.

We've all been around those kinds of situations (not literally, but figuratively) -- where someone was angry and it wouldn't take much to create an explosion. We have two choices in that setting, described by Solomon in this way:

"A gentle answer will calm a person's anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger." (Prov. 15:1, NCV)

How I admire those people I know (and my wife is one of them) who have a calming effect on those around them (including me), gently stifling the flames of anger before they burst in flames.

"Wise people calm anger down." (Prov. 29:8b, NCV)

May God help us all to be wise.

trash

Fred Craddock tells the story of a missionary family in China who was forced to leave the country sometime after the communists took over. One day a band of soldiers knocked on the door and told this missionary, his wife, and children that they had two hours to pack up before these troops would escort them to the train station. They would be permitted to take with them only two hundred pounds of stuff.  

Thus began two hours of family wrangling and bickering -- what should they take? What about this vase? It's a family heirloom, so we've got to take the vase. Well, maybe so, but this typewriter is brand new and we're not about to leave that behind. What about some books? Got to take a few of them along. On and on it went, putting stuff on the bathroom scale and taking it off until finally they had a pile of possessions that totaled two hundred pounds on the dot. 

At the appointed hour, the soldiers returned. "Are you ready?" they asked. "Yes." "Did you weigh your stuff?" "Yes, we did." "Two hundred pounds?" "Yes, two hundred pounds on the dot." "Did you weigh the kids?" "Um, . . . no." "Weigh the kids!" 

And in an instant the vase, the typewriter, and the books all became trash. Trash! None of it meant anything compared to the surpassing value of the children. 

If only it were that easy for us. If we had to make a physical choice, the choice would be easy. What's worth more -- your child or a computer? If you could only take one with you, which would it be? That's easy; it's a no-brainer. But seldom does the choice come wrapped in such easy-to-open paper.

Too often, it sounds more like this: What's more important -- spending time with your family or staying at work a couple of extra hours to get caught up? "Don't ask me to make that choice! My family is important to me. It's just that I really need to get this done! After all, I'm only doing it for provide for them." Still, there are times when the question won't go away: Which is more important?

And there are times when we are forced to admit that we've been gathering hundreds of pounds of "trash" while neglecting that which is of greatest importance.

"But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ." (Philippians 3:7-8)

But God bless each one of you with the wisdom to choose that which is of greatest value.

fear

When my grandmother was in her eighties, she decided to move to Israel. As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and get all her charts. The doctor asked her how she was doing, so she gave him the litany of complaints -- this hurts, that's stiff, I'm tireder and slower, etc., etc., etc.

He responded with, "Mrs. Weiss, you have to expect things to start deteriorating. After all, who wants to live to 100?"

My grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied, "Anyone who's 99."

It's so true. No matter how old we are, there is the desire to live at least one more year. Even Christians who look forward to being with their heavenly Father sometimes have a hard time letting go of life in this world. But Jesus' death (and resurrection) truly makes all the difference in the world.

"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death -- that is, the devil -- and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." (Heb. 2:14-15, NIV)

Satan holds the "power of death", but praise be to the One who gives us hope because He holds the "power of life"!

..........physician

The following statements are reported to have been found on patients' charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health care professionals including a doctor or two at several major hospitals:

"The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."

"She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989

when she got a divorce."

"The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran

out of gas and crashed."

"I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical

therapy."

"She is numb from her toes down."

"While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."

"The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a

stockbroker instead."

"When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."

"Patient has been married twice, but denies any other serious illnesses."

Dictated: "Patient had a Pap smear today"

Transcribed: "Patient had a Pabst Beer today."

"Patient experiences difficulty swallowing tires easily."

"History: Patient was shot in the head with .34 caliber rifle. Chief

complaint -- headache."

"Patient was struck by an auto while she was walking across the street at

approximately 45 miles per hour."

"Skin somewhat pale but present."

"Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old white male, mentally alert but

forgetful."

"The patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."

"On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it had

completely disappeared."

"By the time she was admitted to the hospital, her rapid heart had stopped,

and she was feeling much better."

"Discharge status: Alive but without permission."

Though we often complain about such things as the expense of doctor visits and the amount of time spent in the waiting room, we are greatly indebted to our doctors for the care they have given us over the years. Many of us (myself included) owe them our very lives. How appropriate that Jesus would use that imagery to describe his relationship with us.

"Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance." (Luke 5:31-32)

All of us are sick (though some may not yet realize it or admit it), and spiritual healing comes from only one source. Thank you, Father, for sending the great Physician in our time of deepest need!

fathers

Dads, give yourself a point for every one of these you've actually said to your kids:

Don't ask me, ask your mother. Close the door -- were you raised in a barn? You didn't beat me -- I let you win. Big boys don't cry. Don't worry, it's only blood. Don't you know any normal boys? Now you listen to ME, Buster! I'll play catch after I read the paper. Coffee will stunt your growth. A little dirt never hurt anyone, just wipe it off. Get your elbows off the table. I told you, keep your eye on the ball. Who said life was supposed to be fair? Always say please and thank you

-- that way, you get more. If you forget, you'll be grounded till the end of the world. You call that a haircut? "Hey" is for horses. This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you. Turn off those lights -- do

you think I'm made of money? Don't give me any of your lip, young

lady. You call that noise "music"? We're not lost -- I'm just not sure where we are. No, we're not there yet. Shake it off, it's only pain. When I was your age, I treated MY father with respect. As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules. I'll tell you why -- because I said so, that's why! Do what I say, not what I do. Sit up straight! So you think you're smart , do you? What's so funny? Wipe that smile off your face. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. C'mon, you throw like a girl. You want something to do? I'll give you something to do. This is your last warning! What are your intentions with my daughter? I'd better get a good report, or you better head to Mexico. I'm not sleeping, I was watching that channel. What keeps those jeans of yours from falling off? I'm not just talking to hear my own voice! Don't believe everything you hear. What do you think I am, a bank? What part of NO don't you understand? I don't care what other fathers are doing -- I'm not everybody else's father! You're not leaving my house dressed like that! Hey, did you hear me talking to you? Don't use that tone with me! Am I talking to a brick wall? If I catch you doing that one more time, I'll.... Act your age. Wipe your feet! Don't make me stop the car! What did I just get finished telling you?

Some of the things we fathers say are downright embarrassing when we think about it. But, in our finer moments, it is our intention to give advice that will shape our children into the people God wants them to be. Though our children don't believe we can relate to anything that goes on in their lives, we can. With what we have learned over the years by listening to others and the experience of making wrong decisions, we want to share with our children a wisdom that will keep them on the right path.

"Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, and give attention to know understanding; For I give you good doctrine: Do not forsake my law. When I was my father's son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, he also taught me, and said to me: 'Let your heart retain my words; Keep my commands, and live. Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth.'" (Prov. 4:1-5)

true

Two friends were discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," one friend says. "How so?" his friend asks.

"Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me."

"Was that not love?" his friend asks.

"No," he replies. "That was obsession. And then two years ago I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."

"Was that not love?"

"No," he replies. "That was lust. And just last year I met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere I followed her on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."

"Was that not love?" his friend asks.

"No," he replies. "That was motion sickness."

I think there are a lot of people who think they are (or were) in love who don't have a clue as to what love really is. And the result is that many marriages are suffering. You hear married couples say, "We're just not in love anymore." And I know right away what kind of "love" they had when they got married.

The Greeks had several different words for "love." Three are especially important in marriages. First, there was "eros", the word used to describe sexual attraction. It's important in marriages, but if that's the only kind of love a couple has, their love will only last until they find others more attractive (and that day will come). What some mean when they say , "I don't love you anymore" is "I'm not attracted to you anymore."

Second, there was "philia," a friendship love. This is the kind of love that says, "I enjoy being around you and talking to you and doing things with you." It is very important in a marriage, but again, if it is the only kind of love there is, the love will last only until you find someone else you enjoy talking to and doing things with. What most mean when they say, "I don't love you anymore" is "I don't enjoy being around you anymore."

The Bible, however, uses the word "agape" as the foundational love. It is a love of commitment, a love that says, "I'll be here for you regardless of what happens." It is the love that truly stays in there "for better or for worse." It is the kind of love that will love even when others are unlovable.

Make sure that your marriages (and other personal relationships) are grounded in "agape" -- true love!

"But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection." (Col. 3:14)

know

A small boy once approached his slightly older sister with a question about God. "Susie, can anybody ever really see God?" he asked. Busy with other things, Susie curtly replied: "No, of course not, silly. God is so far up in heaven that nobody can see him."

Time passed, but his question still lingered so he approached his mother: "Mom, can anybody ever really see God?" "No, not really," she gently said. "God is a spirit and he dwells in our hearts, but we can never really see him."

Somewhat satisfied but still wondering, the youngster went on his way. Not long afterwards, his saintly old grandfather took the little boy on a fishing trip. They were having a great time together -- it had been an ideal day. The sun was beginning to set with unusual splendor as the day ended. The old man stopped fishing and turned his full attention to the exquisite beauty unfolding before him.

On seeing the face of his grandfather reflecting such deep peace and contentment as he gazed into the magnificent ever-changing sunset, the little boy thought for a moment and finally spoke hesitatingly: "Granddad, I - I - wasn't going to ask anybody else, but I wonder if you can tell me the answer to something I've been wondering about a long time. Can anybody - can anybody ever really see God?"

The old man did not even turn his head. A long moment slipped by before he finally answered. "Son," he quietly said. "It's getting so I can't see anything else."

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world." (Psalm 19:1-4)

I long for the day when I can not only see God, but can see nothing else

-author unknown