brokenness

For twenty-five years, I’ve had the same workout partner. His real name is John, but I call him Paco because, well, Paco seems like a better name for a workout partner. Even though Paco is older than I am, he’s one tough dude. I’ve never seen him throw a punch and he’s too kind to ever insult someone, but I have no doubt if push came to shove, I’d want him on my side in a street fight. 

You might guess that Paco and I don’t cry together. We don’t talk much about our feelings. We’re workout partners, not crying buddies. But then something happened. Paco suddenly began experiencing severe ringing in his ears, and that’s when I saw a different side of my tough buddy than I’d ever seen before. I didn’t know much about tinnitus, but once I saw Paco suffer, I learned what a terrible ordeal it can be, this constant ringing never stops. And there is no cure. For the more severe cases (like Paco’s), I understand it’s like a train driving through your brain. Twenty-four hours a day. Every day. 

Although there are some devices you can use, the pain for many is unbearable. 
Tragically, Paco had one of the worst cases his doctors had ever seen. 

After traveling to the top experts and specialists, Paco got the best advice from a fellow tinnitus sufferer. The guy explained that the noise would never go away. And the only way you can endure it is to get closer to God than you’ve ever been and pour out your life serving other people. 

I remember when Paco told me about this guy’s advice. It seemed trite. Useless. But Paco hadn’t seen another person with severe tinnitus function as well as this man. So with nothing to lose, he tried it. 

Daily, he pressed into God like he never had before. 
Reading God’s living Word. 
Meditating on His truth and love. 
Worshiping. 
Praying. 
Fasting. 

John and his wife, Jennifer, started a small group and began pouring into others. They “adopted” a single mom and her kids and started serving them selflessly. And in giving their lives away, the roaring in the brain never got better, but somehow John started getting better. The pain didn’t lessen, but John’s joy increased. 

At the gym one day we were trying to work out. John explained to me that tinnitus is the worst pain he could ever imagine. And yet, by God’s grace, he’d never been closer to God than he was in that moment. 

He told me that in brokenness, he found joy. 

I’m not sure if he started to get misty-eyed first or if it was me. But there in front of everyone in the gym, two lifelong friends couldn’t hold back our tears. 
In the brokenness and pouring out of his life, John found hope. 
In the middle of his worst pain, he discovered a peace from Heaven that he didn’t have the words to explain. I had discovered it for myself. But now I saw it in him. 

In our brokenness, we often experience God’s greatest blessings. 

The apostle Paul cried out desperately to God for healing and deliverance from some unknown trial. In three different seasons, Paul begged, pleaded, and petitioned God to take it away. But when God said no, Paul discovered something he would have missed otherwise.* 

God’s grace was enough. 

God uses those who are broken and dependent on Him. 

True brokenness before God isn’t a one-time event; it’s a daily decision. Paul said, 

I die daily. — 1 Corinthians 15:31 NKJV

What does that mean? Every day, he chose to crucify his own desires so he could live fully for God’s. We are each called to die daily. To be broken and poured out. To become dependent on God’s Spirit. To rely on Him for our comfort, our guidance, our source of power.