why

Recently, two dear friends were inflicted with the soul-searing, heart-rending pain of death. One lost her lifelong companion and soul mate, Fred Jones [name changed], a gentle man who lived a good life of 70 years. The other had to say goodbye to her innocent newborn child, Jonathon Davies [name changed], the victim of a major birth defect.

I've tried to process these personal tragedies in the context of notorious homicides including the killing of Ed Thomas, a beloved teacher-coach in Iowa who was shot by a mentally ill former player and the conscienceless murder of Byrd and Melanie Billings, a Florida couple revered for caring for and loving 19 children including a dozen with special needs.

How can we explain the deaths of the good and innocent?

In his book, Why Bad Things Happen to Good People, Rabbi Harold Kushner, whose young son died of a rare disease, shares his struggle to keep his faith and understand undeserved suffering. He found no comfortable answers, thoughtfully discussing and ultimately rejecting classic answers given by religionists: God has a hidden purpose that we cannot and need not understand, suffering is a test or a lesson, or death leads our loved ones to a better place.

Rabbi Kushner writes that he finally found peace of mind when he gave up the idea that everything happens for a reason or that God causes or purposefully allows everything to happen. It's futile and foolish to expect the consequences of natural forces and human nature to conform to our notions of fairness. "God doesn't send us the problem," he says. "He gives us the strength to cope with the problem."

If we want to move beyond our grief and find continuing meaning in our lives, we shouldn't ask, "Why did this happen?" but "What am I going to do with the life I have now?"

-character counts